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Life is a Beach  
11:35am 07/07/2009
 
 
matrakes
After spending the whole weekend at the beach/pool I really want a pool or to live at the beach. Sadly this will not happen for a long while unless I live at a complex with a pool! Luckily the apartment I move into on the 17th has a pool!

It was so good to see the PA kids this weekend. Its been a long time since there were so many of us in one place at the same time and 6 of us to boot. I am glad that they all had fun. I am also glad I got to hang out with John so much this weekend. It was great- I miss seeing her all the time. I also got to play with Ty probably the easiest baby in the world. He never cries its kinda crazy and he will let you just pass him around from person to person like a toy and does not seemed phased by it. All in all a great weekend!

There is so much to do at work today. I have to make up some hours so I will be working late for the next couple days, which sucks but I have to do it. I also have to almost start over on a project I was doing because I did it was done wrong since I wasn't told exactly how to do it. I was half way done but now I am starting over. I am not mad about it though it gives me more to do and its easy. Just keep thinking that I am getting paid so I cannot complain. I really hope I can find a job soon, I am trying not to stress out about it. I am also trying to not stress out about Brian's life. Its going to be really hard for him really soon and I hope and pray that it works out well and that his family will support him.
mood: anxiousanxious
 
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Butterfly fly away  
03:53pm 01/07/2009
 
 
matrakes

1. Music makes my soul fly, my face smile and feet tap.
2. I love spending money especially on other people.
3. Planning parties make me giddy; my wedding will be a huge fun party.
4. I am already planning all the decorations for my new apartment. *wicked smile*
5. Sometimes I fear people don't like me- I don't like the idea of people not liking me.
6. Renting my first apartment freaked me out so much I almost threw-up.
7. I am the most forgetful and easily distracted person in the world. (Sorry Brian)
8. I have been sitting so long in my chair that I cannot feel my butt.
9. I want to be skinny and tan but it’s too much effort to exercise and go to the beach.


Don’t have a number ten sadly...

ahhh I do have one:
10. Kings is a good show I am so bummed they are canceling it already!
mood: amusedamused
 
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1 year- still feel knocked down and loving it <3  
11:23am 30/06/2009
 
 
matrakes
Heh, not again
Ohh, this ain't supposed to happen to me

Keep rockin', and keep knockin'
Whether you Louis Vuitton it up or Reebokin'
You see the hate, that they're servin' on a platter
So what we gon' have, dessert or disaster?

I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
Then you came in, and knocked me on my face
Feels like in I'm a race
But I already won first place

I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did
(As hard as I did, yeah)
You got me thinkin' bout our life our house and kids, yeah
Every mornin' I look at you and smile
'Cause boy you came around and you knocked me down
Knocked me down

Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)

I never thought I'd, hear myself say, ooh, ya'll gon' head
I think I'm gonna kick it wit my girl today, kick it wit my girl today
I used to be commander and chief
Of my pimp ship flyin' high, flyin' high)
Til I met this pretty little missile that shot me out the sky
(Oh shot me out the sky)

Hey, now I'm crashing, don't know how it happened
But I know it feels so damn good
Said if I could back, and make it happen faster
Don't you know I would baby if I could
Miss Independent, ohh, to the fullest, the load never too much
She helpin' me pull it
She shot the bullet that ended that life
I swear to you the pimp in me just died tonight
Girl sometimes love

Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)

Tell me now can you make it past your Caspers
So we can finally fly off into NASA
You was always the cheerleader of my dreams that
Seem to only date the head of football teams
And I was the class clown that, always kept you laughin'

We, were never meant to be baby we just happen
So please, don't mess up the trick, hey young world I'm the new slick rick
They say I move too quick, but we can't let the moment pass us
Let the hourglass pass right into ashes

Let the wind blow the ash right before my glasses
So I wrote this love letter right before my classes
How could a goddess ask, someone that's only average
For advice, OMG, you listen to that bitch?
Whoa, it's me, baby this is tragic
'Cause we had it, we was magic

I was flyin', now I'm crashin'
This is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson
Now I'm mad, real mad, Joe Jackson
You should leave your boyfriend now, I'mma ask him

Say you gotta put the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So will u bring a better future than I had in the past
Oh Cause, I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again
Whoa, whoa, I'll admit it, I was scared to answer love's call
Whoa, whoa, and if it hits better make it worth the fall
(When it comes around)

Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
(Love comes around)
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
(Knocks you down)

Won't see it coming when it happens, hey
But when it happens you're gonna feel it, let me tell you now
You see when love knocks you down

Won't see it coming when it happens
But when it happens you're gonna feel it, let me tell you now
You see when love knocks you down
Yeah
mood: passionatepassionate
 
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Things that Belong to me  
12:31pm 18/05/2009
 
 
matrakes

When it  all falls down, rubble all around
and life seems at its worst
where to go or whom to call
I can only think of one my Hope

You put him beside me
to remind me of your presence and power of creation
the perfect reminder of my humanity and your love
a soul mate to connects my soul to my Creator

my Hope stands strong in times of sorrow
my Creator lives on in times of self-destruction
my Father gave the Son for His daughter
my Pathway gave me life for my free will to take

how perfect you taught me to love you by being loved by your son
selflessly He fell so I could learn to walk without Your hand
it seems to me that even a blind man could see this
a simple faith could see my Father

they say if you love something let it free
how could You let us free knowing we would run
some towards the world, some towards the Son
the right way is in Your hands but for us to decided, my Pathway

my Hope stands strong in times of sorrow
my Creator lives on in times of self-destruction
my Father gave the Son for His daughter
my Pathway gave me life for my free will to take
mood: happyhappy
 
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Say What E! news?  
01:22am 30/01/2009
 
 
matrakes
I find it to be a very sad day when E! news does a whole show talking about how fat Jessica Simpson because she is now a size 8. Mind you that is a NORMAL size for a woman, the average size is 14 but I truly believe that a size 8 is normal and for most people can be healthy. This is why middle school girls worry about their weight and try and go on diets. This is why anorexia and eating issues have gone up over the last ten years. Grrrr



ps I do not think that E! news is a quality show or deserves being shown on TV- don't get me wrong!

location: Living room
mood: sadsad
music: chatting with peeps
 
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2 times 10 more things you could know about me by reading  
11:38pm 21/12/2008
 
 
matrakes
20 Things you might not know about me:

1) I love the smell of Lavender.
2) Feet freak me out unless they are baby feet, Brian's feet or my feet.
3) I love really crappy teeny-bopper movies.
4) I have new furry boots and I am obsessed.
5) When I am super stressed I clean and vacuum.
6) I love old movies, two good ones are Gidget and Lil' Abner.
7) I have this movie I remember scenes but for the life of me cannot remember it- it kills me.
8) I wish I was skinnier but I don't care enough to do anything about it.
9) Babies are super fun to play with.
10) I have know my best friend for 13 years.
11) October 9th 2010 is a very important date.
12) Hate to say it but I am facebook obsessed.
13) I am lazy and love when people do things for me.
14) Find breaks, like now, boring.
15) Loves to cuddle more than anyone in the world.
16) Is over my previous love of rubber ducks.
17) Has been very tired the last 6 months- stupid mono.
18) Likes the look of simple, clean, graphic design decor in houses but lives in a mess.
19) Loves little dogs but bigger dogs makes me uneasy.
20) Hates the Christmas decorations on the outside of her house.

Ok I was bored so that is why I did this fun little thing and I actually found it kinda fun! Ok the boyfriend called and therefor is more important!
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: the movie Ghost Town
 
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Lucky # 13  
01:12am 16/12/2008
 
 
matrakes
My arms miss hugging him. I always promised not to be one of those girls- you know the one that can't breath unless their boyfriend tells them to and is holding their hand while they breath in and breath out. Ok so I am not that extreme but I do miss him, a lot! I got used to eating lunch with him and watching TV with him and being completely silly and rediculous and having him look at me like I am his whole world or when I tell him I am his whole world he jokingly runs around me in circles saying that his world revolves around me. I talked to Julia about him tonight and she told me all about what it was like when she started dating her husbend Blair. It was very cute to see this 36 year old woman with two kids gush about her husbend. So 13 days and I get to hug him- I can handle that!

Nothing like Grandmas meatloaf. Ok I am weird and love meatloaf. I cannot help it, its so tasty. So my Grandma is in town for Christmas again- which I am thrilled about. I love getting to talk to her and hear stories about her mother and father or about her life as a child. I don't know if I will every be able to recal this information or use it but its fun to hear her tell stories. This time I can tell that her body is weaker and things are harder for her. I have to help her a lot more and pay more attention to make sure she doesn't get tierd. I just pray to God that nothing bad goes down while I am looking after her- because I honestly dont know what I would do or who I would react.

It feels more like the 4th of July than Christmas. Ok 80's for Christmas really ruin the whole yule tide thing. But I wont complain because that means exams are over and Christmas is on its way! Yummy food. Presents. Carols. Family. Baby Jesus! God Bless!

mood: chipperchipper
music: Wicked
 
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its the final countdown...  
06:08pm 05/12/2008
 
 
matrakes
Oh my grandchild time is FLYING by!

Countdowns:
Til Exams (oh my gosh I need to study): 2 Days
Til 6 months with the boy (still got butterflies): 6 Days
Til Grams gets here and I go home (gunna miss a lot of things): 8 Days
Til Christmas (6 pounds 9 oz baby Jesus, I love him): 20 Days
Til New Years (and I just got used to 2008): 26 Days
Til Graduation (ahhhhh real world- so scary): 154 Days


I don't know where all the time goes. I wish there was more time, there is never enough time.

Anywho, I am going to stop freaking out about time flying.





mood: boredbored
music: NCSI aka TV
 
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Who's happiness matters most?  
09:42pm 12/10/2008
 
 
matrakes
I am in such a good place in life right now.

GOD I feel so close to God and for once in a long while I feel I am on the right track, I still fall off but I am really close to the road. I am learning so much about Catholicism in my class and through woman's group. Its been really wonderful. I pray constantly and I can see Him working in my life and I can see at least a little of His plan, well the part that got me here.
ME I am finally accepting who I am, my faults are things I am now working on and I am trying to be a better person. I like who I am, I know I am my mother but I am okay with that now. I know it sounds weird that I didn't like who I was before but I think a lot of people are like me. I finally know who I am and I like it!
SCHOOL I am finally really loving school. I know this is crazy but I am enjoying homework and doing all the work to keep up. I am glad that I finally feel like I am in the right major and that I will enjoy a job that I will get when I graduate. I cannot wait to get into the real world and things to make this world better. I want to make a difference.
BRIAN He makes me so happy. I have never felt so comfortable around a guy or anyone for that matter. He's like my best friend- I can tell him anything. He is full of endless support and lets me just be me without worry of judgment. He knows me so well and still likes me. He makes me laugh and smile. I am totally content with him- he makes me better. He's my compliment.

All these things make me so incredibly happy and carefree. But...

FRIENDS I don't know where to start. Its like I have know people for years and I thought I really knew them and that they would always be there for me but now I know that isn't true. At first I thought that I was upset because it seems like everyone is against me and against my relationship. I guess I don't understand why everyone hate me being with him. If there is some valid reason, please let me know because I wanna here it. But honestly they all have their own agenda which I believe has nothing to do with me.  Some are upset because I don't spend all my time with them, some are afraid I they will lose me, some point blank say they are jealous, other say they are going through a rough spot and are blaming me and Brian for it.  Here is what I have to say get over it. If you are mad I don't spend time with you- stop complaining and call me to hang out. If you are afraid you are gunna lose me call me and make an effort to keep up. If you are jealous- realize that I supported you when you had someone and I didn't so be a friend back.  If you are going through a rough spot that's not my fault and it is not fair to blame me or Brian. I love all my friends but I feel like I have spent most of my relationship with Brian making other people happy and cannot do it anymore. I am tired and out of ideas and strength to keep putting everyone else happiness above mine. I'm done. I need to focus on all the things that make me happy because I am so stressed out trying to make others happy. Its like quicksand- the harder I try to make them happy the worse it gets. I'm done.

I know this sounds harsh but I don't know what else to do. I just want people to support me and my happiness. I don't think that is so hard- I thought that's what friends did for each other!

mood: frustratedfrustrated
music: Football game because I'm with the boy
 
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meme  
05:58pm 01/10/2008
 
 
matrakes
These are the names that fit with the secret questions. If you wanna know the questions ya gotta play the game!

1. Teri
2. Katie
3. Andrew
4. Kate
5. Kelly
6. John/ Cody
7. Kate J
8. Sarah
9. Brian
10. Katie
11. Amanda
12. Katie
13. Chris
14. Tiffany/ McNamara
15. Gissy
16. Andrew
17. Tiffany
18. Tiffany/ Billy
19. Andrew
20. Teri
21. Cody
22. John
23. Padre
24. Cody
25. Chris
26. Brian
27. Amanda
28. Desiree
29. Brian
30. You are crazy, but I love ya!
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: Taylor Swift- Love Story
 
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